The Blond and the Blonde
by The Rekizalb
Summary: An ex-porn star returns to Kusagakure only to end up the object of scorn. In order to get the villagers to take her seriously again, she obsessively attempts to write a novel about a chance encounter with Akatsuki. However she is not satisfied with the sources she has to work from and attempts to contact the terrorist organization in person.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Naruto or any of its trademarks, characters, places, etc.**_

_This story is part of a three-part set of stories based on my two Kusagakure characters; Hitomi and Bunko. This is Bunko's. If you were to put this in a timeline with my other OC-based Naruto stories, this one would happen right after Marionette's final chapter.  
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**-1- **

Bunko Kato was a bodacious blonde who was none too smart. When she was the ripe age of eighteen, she moved to a place where she stared in her first film role. The director loved her enough that he decided to put her into more of his films-just not the serious ones. That was how she began her career as a porn star. Try as she might, she was never able to keep the knowledge of her career from spreading to her family in Kusagakure, or the rest of the village.

When she finally retired at the still slightly ripe age of twenty-four, she had stared in at least two hundred different pornographic short and feature films. When she returned to Kusagakure at twenty-five, she had been the object of scorn from numerous housewives whose husbands had spent their free-time ogling nude pictures of her. For a time she was barred from ever going to the several of the village's districts because of her reputation.

So Bunko bought herself a large manor in the emptiest district of village to live in seclusion with numerous relics from her many films. The only people that she allowed to visit her were the members of her small family; her mother, aunt, uncle, and cousin. She paid her family to buy her things from the marketplace but also tried her best to keep a distance from them too-as she worried their reputations would also be ruined.

At the same time, many of the residents of Kusagakure didn't take her seriously as a person. She was desperate to learn in order to show the many people who believed her to be completely inept, wrong. So she poured every ounce of her being into studying culture and reading every piece of literature she could understand. She believed that she needed to show the world that she was no idiot, yet she was doing terribly.

Then one day she came up with the wild idea that writing a fictional novel would help her case. Since she enjoyed reading crime novels, she decided that her first novel should be about a chance run-in with the terrorist organization; Akatsuki. Of course, even with the little bit of information she could squeeze from her village's bingo books, she still didn't have enough source material to get started. This is why the ballsy Bunko decided to make her request public.

By that I mean, she would hang flyers around town, with her address listed, advertising her interest for a member of Akatsuki to stop by her home for tea. On another occasion, she stood on a soapbox in the middle of Kusagakure's market district and shouted that she demanded a representative of the terrorist organization meet with her immediately. Her eccentric behavior made the vast majority of her village sure that she was absolutely insane, so much so that the daimyo sent two jonin to her home to convince her to give up on her search to meet Akatsuki. One of those two jonin was her own cousin, Hitomi Maeda.

Hitomi and Bunko were cousins, but they had been raised like sisters their entire lives. When Bunko's father Goro Kochi had run off while her mother had been pregnant with her to join a gang of thieves in Sunagakure, her aunt took her mother in. Bunko's mother and her continued to live with Hitomi and her parents until she left and became a porn star. Now Hitomi was a courier for the daimyo and usually took orders from the eccentric blonde on weekends.

The evening that the two jonin visited, Bunko sat comfortably in her armchair from one of her shorter films, aptly named _RAPE_. After about twenty washes, the armchair was clean enough to serve as a nice furniture piece. She wore a kimono and she had her hair tied up in the wareshinobu hairstyle from her film _The Glorious Maiko_. The two shinobi meanwhile, were settled on two very low stools before her, also from _RAPE_.

Hitomi, the blue haired kunoichi with bright green eyes went first; "I imagine you know why we're here, right? The daimyo is worried that your behavior in public might bring harm to the village or yourself."

"Don't worry, I'm only trying to get some source material for a novel I'm writing," Bunko tried to explain.

The black-haired shinobi with dull brown eyes, Hitomi's friend Arata, spoke next; "That has got to be the most idiotic idea I've ever heard."

The kunoichi sharply jabbed him with her elbow, harshly whispering, "Arata, the daimyo said this was to be handled sensitively..." She then turned to Bunko, "What my friend meant to say was; why would you want to contact Akatsuki in person? Can't you just use the bingo book?"

The blonde thought for a moment. The bingo books _had _provided her with some useful information to use, but what they didn't give her was personality. She needed to know how a member of the terrorist organization would act in different situations, "There wasn't enough in it..."

"Hitomi, your cousin is a nutcase!" the black-haired shinobi rubbed his stomach and harshly whispered back, "How are we supposed to convince her not to summon those god-damn terrorists?!"

"Patience..."

Bunko sighed, "Is that all?"

"Didn't you play a member of Akatsuki once in _Gangbang_?" Arata asked. She had once, she had played a female member of Akatsuki and subsequently been gangbanged by the rest of Akatsuki, but that was just pornography not factually information.

"I am sure Akatsuki does not participate in any gangbangs," Bunko shook her fist passionately; "I need to know the insides…and outsides of Akatsuki! I need to know how they think, how they feel, and how they react!"

Hitomi tried this time, "But Bunko, have you considered your personal safety? It would kill me to see you be harmed by those terrorist bastards."

"You have nothing to fear little cousin," the blonde assured her, "I'll be perfectly fine. I just need to interview one of them-that's it."

"I highly doubt that any member of Akatsuki would just let you interview them," the blue haired kunoichi sighed, "Couldn't you just use what you know to invent their personalities?"

"Don't you see how you're endangering the village?!" Arata spat out, "This is why no one wants you living here!"

Bunko slumped into her chair, sighed, and repeated, "Is that all?"

"The daimyo fears for your safety Bunko," Hitomi continued to plead.

The blonde sighed once again, "Well if the daimyo really cared for my safety, he and the entire village wouldn't have made me into a laughing-stock." She sat up, her tone much sharper, "No one takes me seriously and I'm sick and tired of it! But y'know what? Akatsuki will take me seriously!"

"But they'll take you _too_ seriously, Bunko!"

Now the blonde was fuming "It doesn't matter, because no matter what; if Akatsuki decides to kill me in the end, it will be so much better than living in Kusagakure!"

Hitomi muffled Arata before he could say any more smart comments, "Please don't say that Bunko, you don't know how much it would hurt our family!"

Quoting a line from her film, _The Warrior Queen of Hua_, Bunko shouted; "Return to your Daimyo! Tell him I will not be bargained with!"

Hitomi stood up and pulled Arata with her to the door of the manor, "Bunko please reconsider, I worry for you." The door slowly shut behind the two and Bunko walked back to her study where her notes were scattered. If she wanted to make her novel a reality, she would have to try harder.

Later into the night, Bunko was still working in her study when she heard a crash from the garden outside. She slid the door open and stepped out into the cold night to find a small kitten sitting on one of the larger rocks that surrounded her pond. He was a sad-looking tabby and the way it purred when Bunko picked it up warmed her heart.

"Oh Monsieur Kitten," she cooed to him as she cradled him in her arms, "Won't you come inside? It's dreadfully cold out."

The kitten continued to purr and Bunko squealed in delight, walking back inside with the small creature that continued on like a motor boat. When she returned to her study she noticed that her things were thrown around and her furniture was lop-sided.

"Monsieur Kitten, you couldn't have done this could you?" she questioned the innocent little fur ball in her arms.

He whimpered a little.

"Of course you didn't, your paws are too small to lift all of those things around," she looked back over to her things and spoke aloud to herself in a nonchalant tone, "It must have been a robber."

Within a second she started racing out of her manor and down the long winding stone path to the gates of her manor with the kitten still in her arms, shouting _Hitomi! Hitomi! Help! _Before she made it to the gate however, she tripped over a large stone and banged her head onto another while the kitten went flying into a patch of grass. She was out cold. Two sets of cold arms dragged her back down the rocky path and into her manor.

When she awoke she was tied back into her armchair with the straps that were still attached to the back from _RAPE_.

"I really should have taken them off a while ago…" she cursed herself while attempting to squirm out of her bindings. The tabby, Monsieur Kitten, was curled up in a circle on her lap still purring. Bunko could see the outlined silhouettes of two cloaked figures on the other side of the room. Their fronts were all in shadow but Bunko had a few guesses as to who they could be.

Then one of them spoke; "You're that porn star aren't you? I saw a couple of your flicks before."

"What do you want? I don't have the time for autographs, children," she spat.

"Since you don't want us to waste your time, we'll cut to the chase," the other silhouette spoke, "We are enforcers from Akatsuki. You've caused enough commotion to cause the big man to send us down here to figure out why that is."

"Oh really?" Bunko was amused by this, "Hey, hand me a notepad and something to write with and we can begin."

"What?" the first enforcer seemed completely confused by this, "Did you not hear what we just told you?"

The blonde was not getting impatient, "Did you not hear me? I said get me something to write with and a notepad."

"Can you believe this bitch?" the second enforcer laughed.

"I honestly can't," the first laughed back, "She's trying to order us around! Us! Akatsuki enforcers! What balls!" The blonde continued to struggle from her bindings while the two continued to laugh. Through the commotion, Bunko heard a loud knock on the door and someone calling her name, she knew it had to be her cousin.

After several minutes of knocking, she heard a smashing sound and the two doors crashed open, a large ray of light shining through the middle of the room. The two enforcers stopped laughing and readied themselves for combat as the blue haired kunoichi stomped inside of the large room towards Bunko.

"Bunko!" Hitomi called, rather angry. The two Akatsuki enforcers stepped back into the shadows and watched the procession.

"Hitomi, Akatsuki enforcers, seven o'clock!" Bunko called as she continued to struggle out of the straps. Hitomi turned to the shadows as the two enforcers raced at her. In one movement, she pulled out her katana and used it to repel their attack. As the second enforcer shot back at her, she grabbed his shoulder and held him back at an arm's length then ran him through with her blade.

The other enforcer rushed her with a kunai and Hitomi continued to block him while calling back to her cousin, "See what happens!" The enforcer shot his arm holding a kunai at Hitomi, who deflected it, then chopped his arm off. She kicked him to the floor with the other.

"If these are Akatsuki enforcers, they're incredibly weak," she stepped on the fallen enforcer and stabbed him through, then turned to Bunko who was still tied up. "Bunko, what did I tell you?"

"Cut those goddamn straps off one day before someone ties you with them?" Bunko guessed as she squirmed to the left side of the chair.

"No, the other thing," Hitomi sighed as she cut the straps off of her cousin, "The part about Akatsuki and your personal safety."

She sheathed her katana, "The part where I said they didn't go together well."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Naruto or any of its trademarks, characters, places, etc.**_

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**-2- **

When Hitomi rescued Bunko from the Akatsuki Enforcers that night it served as a reinforcement of her point to stop her crazy venture to meet them. To Bunko however, it only added to the mystique surrounding the terrorist organization. The blue haired courier brought her cousin and Monsieur Kitten back to the family house. Bunko's old room had cobwebs hanging from it, the bed sheets had to be cleaned, and some of the red paint was chipping off of the walls, but it was the safest place Hitomi could find for her at the moment.

"I think you're taking this too seriously," the blonde assured Hitomi while she paced back and forth across the room.

"I'm taking it _too_ seriously because you aren't taking it seriously at all," she chided her as she continued to pace, "Do you realize what could have happened to you if I hadn't rushed in when I did? Bunko I don't want to lose you this young!"

Bunko sighed and leaned back into the wall as she sat on her old bed, "I'm just saying, maybe they would have told me a few things and just left." Mousier Kitten sat curled up on her lap and continued to purr.

"If they wanted to sit and talk, they would have brought tea and cookies," her cousin sarcastically replied. The blonde gingerly pet the kitten as her cousin continued to reprimand her actions.

"Are you even listening to me Bunko?" she stopped and turned to the blonde, "What am I supposed to do with you now that Akatsuki is sending enforcers after you? You can't protect yourself; you're not even a shinobi!"

"Don't protect me then," Bunko was much more preoccupied with the kitten than the situation at hand, "I don't need to be protected. I'm the oldest one here."

Hitomi sat on a lone wooden chair on the other side of the small room, facing Bunko. She rubbed her temples as she thought about strategies and how to sneak Bunko out of the country. Even then it might not be enough, Akatsuki might follow them. Maybe she could dye her cousin's hair back to its natural black or another color and give the mansion to a look-alike. No matter what she would say however, she knew that it would only garner resistance.

"What do you want to do Bunko?" she finally gave in and asked.

Bunko looked up from the feline and gave a small smile, "I say you let me meet with Akatsuki, interview one of them, and finish this book."

"Bunko you're an ex-porn star," Hitomi began, thinking of all of the things that Akatsuki might do to her if she allowed Bunko to go about her plans, "They could take advantage of you, they could kill you, they could experiment on you..."

"You're letting yourself think of all of the negatives," Bunko laughed, "They could invite me to one of their parties, they could drink with me, and they could be the greatest friends!" Hitomi groaned, it was maddening how Bunko was taking this.

"I'm putting you under house arrest Bunko," the blue haired courier finally spoke, "I'm going to go to the daimyo tomorrow morning and he will assign to you several body guards and we will sneak you out of the country."

"What!" the blonde was flabbergasted, "You can't do that, I'm an adult!"

"You also lured two-God knows how many more-members of Akatsuki into Kusagakure," Hitomi continued to rub her temples, "You've put yourself and possibly others into a dangerous situation. I know you're an adult and you want to make your own decisions, but this is my duty as a jonin of Kusagakure. I have to keep the village safe from these kinds of security risks."

"No," Bunko quickly rose to her feet, grabbing Monsieur Kitten, "I'm not going home. I'm going to sleep and I'm going to continue my work no matter what!" Hitomi watched as Bunko walked out, not bothering to stop her and drag her back. No matter what she did, Hitomi knew Bunko would never listen to her until it was too late.

That night Bunko returned to her manor, cleaned up the corpses that Hitomi had left, and then went to bed. She awoke the next morning and returned to her disfigured study, piecing everything back together. She ignored the knocking on her doors all day and continued to work. No one could convince her to give up on her work, not even her family at this point. Now that she knew that she had Akatsuki's attention she knew her goal was in reach.

She began to write the first chapter of her novel, which she didn't know what to name yet. Taking from what she had experienced the previous night she began;

_On a cold night Tomiko laid in bed inside of her large mansion as she had come from a really wealthy family and they had the money for a mansion. All of a sudden the windows of her room opened and two strangers popped in with red clouded cloaks. Tomiko was awoken by the sound but could not recognize the men. They grabbed her and threw her over their shoulders and whisked her away._

She stopped. Where would they whisk her to though? What did Akatsuki live in?

_They brought her to a safe house and tied her to a chair. It was really cold and Tomiko was sure that she would freeze to death if she stayed in the shack._

"_Who are you and why did you kidnap me?" Tomiko said._

"_We are Akatsuki!" the strangers said._

"_Oh no!" she cried, "Not Akatsuki!"_

"_Yes Akatsuki!" the strangers laughed._

She had a Nobel Prize winner in the works right here. All she needed to figure out was what the Akatsuki wanted. And she knew just how to figure it out.

"_What does Akatsuki want with me?" she cried again._

"_We are going to kidnap you to take you to our leader!"_

She scribbled out the last line. It was horrible and she still didn't know what Akatsuki would want. She figured that she would need to come up with a plot before she sat down and started to write. She began to scribble out some plot notes on another sheet of paper.

_First, Akatsuki kidnap Tomiko._

Maybe the point of the whole story would be why she was kidnapped? She had to add that too.

_Second, Tomiko asks but no one tells her why they took her. Third, Tomiko meets…_

Bunko shifted through a bingo books on the members of Akatsuki. She figured the easiest one to put would be Itachi since he was so well and one of her films had revolved around him. That one was a porno too.

_Third, Tomiko meets Itachi Uchiha. Fourth, Tomiko is really sad because she misses her family. Fifth, Tomiko becomes great friends with everyone in Akatsuki. Sixth, Tomiko asks to become a member of Akatsuki._

But how did one become a member of Akatsuki? Bunko noted that she would have to add that as one of her interview questions.

_Seventh, Tomiko realizes that she no longer misses her family. Eighth, Tomiko and Akatsuki have a big party. Ninth, Tomiko has a heart-to-heart with the Leader. Tenth, the Leader tells Tomiko the real reason as to why she was kidnapped in the first place._

Bunko was quite proud of herself; she thought her plot outline so far was ingenious. All she needed to do was interview a member of Akatsuki and come up with a reason as to why they would want to kidnap her protagonist. The blonde decided that the whole process was so tiring that she needed a break. She picked up her feline companion and brought him out with her outside and down several rooms to her bath house. Stripping down to bare skin, she sat in the warm water of her stone hot bath and relaxed.

Hitomi meanwhile was banging on her front door, calling for Bunko to come out. She resigned herself to somehow convince Bunko that what she had planned would be the best thing for her. A shrill scream ripped from the manor and the blue haired courier took no time to bust the door open again and race to the source.

"Bunko!" she called as she raced into the bath house with her katana drawn. What she found was simply her cousin bathing and Monsieur Kitten drenched.

"Hitomi what's wrong?" the blonde looked at the blue haired courier with a questionable look. She noticed that her eyes were bloodshot, her hair a mess, and bags formed under her eyes, "Did you not sleep at all last night?"

"No," she admitted, scanning the room, "What was that screaming?"

"It was Monsieur Kitten," she chuckled, holding up the wet kitty, "He accidentally fell in. You know how cats are when they hit water!" Hitomi simply stared at the cat with her mouth open, letting her katana drop from her clutch. Bunko reached for a towel and stepped out, wrapping herself up.

"Hitomi, you need to sleep," the blonde told her with a worried expression, picking up the katana and sheathing it. "Luckily for you I have an extra bedroom you can use." Bunko led Hitomi across her garden to the other end of her manor to a pretty guest room. She laid her cousin down on the bed, sitting the katana on the nightstand and pulling the covers up to her chin.

She stood by the door frame and whispered, "Sweet dreams Hitomi~!"

Bunko returned to her bath and let Hitomi rest for the remainder of the day. When she felt content, she dried herself off and slipped into comfortable yukata then headed back to her study with Monsieur Kitten. She looked back over her notes and continued to think of reason for Akatsuki to kidnap her protagonist.

The blonde was so deep in thought that she didn't even realize that someone stood behind her. The figure suddenly grabbed her with his forearm and held her to his chest while she squirmed around. When she stopped resisting he let her drop back to the floor, then picked her up and tossed her limp body of his shoulder and snuck out.

Hitomi meanwhile was shaking in bed, moaning, "Bunko…Bunko watch out…Bunko…" Monsieur Kitten ran over to where she slept and clawed at the screen until he made himself an opening. He squeezed inside and pounced on top of the sleeping courier, clawing at her torso until she awoke and swatted him away.

"What do you want cat?" Hitomi groaned as she got up.

The kitten simply meowed and raced back through the screen and to the study. Hitomi grabbed her katana from the nightstand and followed him. When she got to the study she found Bunko's things scattered on her table but she was gone.

"Oh God…please…please tell me that Bunko's still around!" she ran to the bath house and forced the screen open, empty. She raced over to Bunko's bedroom, empty. She raced to the entrance, empty. She raced to every room in the manor, searching for the blonde haired goof-ball to no avail.

When Hitomi returned to the study after the fruitless search she simply dropped onto her knees and cried out; "Oh God, Oh God! Bunko I failed to keep you safe!" The kitten stepped over to her and gave her a sad look. Maybe she wasn't far enough to find.

That was when she raced to the daimyo with Monsieur Kitten, requesting a search team. Her pleas were denied and she was thrown out of the office. So she decided to find her by herself. She set out into the surrounding mushroom forests, hoping around and looking every which way to find her cousin in vain.


End file.
